My Back Door

I never knew it was there, my back door.

I just noticed it today.

Why is it there? It leads to nowhere.
Only to the basement.

Bingo!

I can lead the many boyfriends through there!

No one pays attention to how many cars one household has, but they do pay attention
to the people who walk through the front door.

“Pull round back Dave!
Sal….
Brian…
Anthony…
The names go on and on.

I could sneak out if I wanted to, and we could drive to nowhere land and forget about
Our lives for a few hours,
Or a few glasses of wine,
Or something else…

But too bad for me.

It’s padlocked now.

-Sha T.

Paternity Test: The Musical

Oh, Mamma Mia here we go again indeed! I guess the summer is never fully complete without a feel good musical that can make you smile. This time, the musical is “Mamma Mia!” the Broadway hit filled with music from ABBA. Amanda Seyfried plays Sophie, a young girl who’s about to be married, and still feels like she hasn’t found herself. She thinks that the key to finding herself will come when she finally finds her father.

The only thing that her mother (Merly Streep) told her about her father was that he was a summer fling, but Sophie finds her mother’s old diary and tries to piece together who he might be. The problem is, Sophie’s father could be one of three men; Pierce Brosnan, Colin Firth, or Stellan Skarsgard. Sophie’s bright idea is to invite all three of the men to her wedding. That’s when all the wacky fun starts!

For me, this movie was too cheesy to stand, even for a musical. I mean musicals usually are corny and cheese, but they’re fun to watch and listen to. “Mamma Mia!” wasn’t either of those two. Amanda Seyfriend trollops around with her big naïve eyes and this sorority girl spirit which makes you want to like her but you also want push her off a cliff because of her sunny disposition. Her two best friends are just hollow Barbie dolls and her fiancé is even more of a one dimensional character. He has one song in the movie and it’s about how jealous and possessive he feels about Sophie. How sweet. Really, the main focus is on Merly Streep’s character, Donna, and how her past has finally come back to haunt her.

Oh, who is her baby’s daddy? She also comes with two stereotypical best friends. There is the constant divorcee with a love for plastic surgery and the clumsy plump woman. Together they try to keep Donna happy and not worry about her scandalous past by singing happy songs. This is done in a very embarrassing manner where I wanted to go out and get a refund on my popcorn because of how much salt was used. The three dashing fellows are perhaps the only thing that doesn’t make this movie a cheesy girl fest. Pierce Brosnan plays Sam, Donna’s main summer love who had to leave her because he was engaged. Colin Firth plays Harry, a stuffy man who once was a rebellious glam rock lover. Lastly, Stellan Skarsgard plays Bill, the spontaneous sailor who likes to keep his life an adventure.

They really add the reality to the movie because their concerns and fears over possibly being a father is what this situation would have. You wouldn’t have a selfish mother who wants to keep her daughter from having a father just because she wants to be independent. These men do their best to make the musical enjoyable for all of those who aren’t hyped up on their Ya-Ya sisterhood, but their time on screen isn’t enough for that. We just get more zany plans to try and keep the men away from Donna and Sophie, and a dumb small storyline of a young guy falling for the constant divorcee.

Altogether, this movie could have been over and resolved in 20 minutes, but of course there really wouldn’t be a movie. As someone who really likes musicals, I was very disappointed. Actually, I wanted to walk out of the theater and sneak in to see the Dark Knight. To me, a successful movie is one where you go in to see a certain storyline and have that storyline resolved. I didn’t get that with this movie, I feel almost ripped off. At least the movie should have had a message. What was the message? Always remember the people you sleep with?

In the end, watching this feels like watching your mom and her friends try to sing and dance when you just want them to stop. This should have stayed on Broadway, it probably works better there. As for me, the next time I want the “Mamma Mia!” experience I will just listen to ABBA’s greatest hits while I watch an episode of the Maury Povich show.

-Nessa C.